Goodbye old thoughts

A dear friend used to tell me that he likes tragic things.. he wanted drama in his life.I may not understand why but i know that people are naturally sadist.. probably masochist.I supposed being in a hospital isnt tragic enough for him. But then again, I wouldnt know. Hospital is the only place where you can see humanity at its best.. i think. Hospital is a place where u see love, compassion, hope, new beginning, end of another chapter of life. Pelik kan.. how we all view the same thing differently.

I've been thru so many things for the past years but i must admit that it was a chain from the old thought that i had. Eversince I lost a dear one in a car crash, I felt insecure...I cared so much about people around me. I lived in fear. Hence throughout the 7 years of being together with my ex fiance I kept reminding him to text me everytime he reached home. Sometimes he remembered, sometimes he didnt. Most of the time he ignored it. Prolly annoyed by the same ol' thing. I was a broken radio to him. I wouldnt blame him per se.I never told him why.. I never talked about it to anyone, I refused to reckon it as a trauma. That was a mistake. A dear friend told me I should not select my reality instead acknowledge every single event to help me moving on..

The old thoughts taught me that I must not be emotionally dependent even though at timesI felt that I'm very much fragile. The old thought said, ifI dont, I'll be crushed when he leaves me. Just like any other relationship before him. And because I kept having the thought... he left, even worse for some lame reason. So i told a dear friend, his past thought creates his present. If he kept thinking everyone being untrue and unfaithful, he gets what he wish for. U can actually do nothing about old thoughts except live out the past experiences they caused.

To a dear friend.. I learn now that resentment brings u nothing but pain... change is a natural law and for that i welcome it.. I hope u do too.

May the Almighty inspire us all with peace and insight to help us understand the intricacies and complexities of this life He has blessed us with and show us wisdom through His mercy and grace..ameen.