Single Stigma

Why does being single is always associated with being cursed? You are single and u are labelled as a person with some kind of a flaw. Walking around the street or sitting alone while enjoying the solitary moment and suddenly the eyes were looking, judging. In other case, being single is viewed as the only option that is left... big 'L' on the forehead that is.

Single is an option. An individual option that is, not in the society. But what does single means? Is it just a person with no love life, not being in a steady relationship or not in a relationship at all? It never occurs to me that being single has its own impact. A stigma, just like divorcee, widow, u name it. A dear friend who is single for many years, was complaining that Malaysian society are somewhat shallow in this notion. Parents kept on pushing her in finding her so-called soulmate as if the world is about to blow at anytime soon. As if they were afraid that when the time comes the leader of a tribe would take her as a sacrifice for a ritual. In a different situation, she was sitting alone in the middle of a crowd, with bunch of single girls and guys around (who came in groups) when suddenly she noticed that she was the center of attraction. It was definitely not the kind of attraction that we always want from strangers. It was as if there were voices mocking her present. The beauty of solitude crushed instantly. She knew at that moment, everyone noticed the status card that she was holding. S-I-N-G-L-E and it was a bad sign!

It is such an idiotic idea to perceive that people who choose to be single are those with flaws.. worse than those in a relationship. Only ignorants would view being single as being depressed, living a melancholic life with unhealthy state of mind. Cliche... its all cliche.

Forgiving and Forgetting

The act of forgiving a person who may have hurt us is seen as a noble thing to do. Forgetting it is another issue or another process. A good person is usually defined as one who can really forgive and forget things. It is difficult to say that whether the person is an evil or good by his or her reaction towards the idea both idea forgiving n forget. Some says it depends on how bad the scar have they left to us.

Hurt. How do we measure it? By the act that has been done upon us or the effect of it? It does has a connection with our capability of forgiving and forgetting things that a person did to us. We do forgive and forget little things that might cause us pain. But again, this is very subjective in its idea. Feelings are varies from one to another. How do we know that some things should be forgiven and some does not even deserve a second chance? Forgetting may take a longer time or may not at all compared to forgiving . Thus, we view that forgive and forget as two seperate entities. Are they, really?

I do believe that being humane is not just about what we contribute to the others, physically. Being humane is not only how we present ourselves to the others with the idea that we are very ethical in every aspect of life. Beyond that, humane takes us deeper than what we can see. The first step is to acknowledge ourselves as a person who is willingly to accept the notion of forgiving and forgetting, starting with ourselves. Instead of blaming our parents who are responsibled in shaping our bad worldview and negative ideas of certain things as the way it is, we should forgive them and forgive ourselves for it. Only then we can really move on to the next process, forgetting and thus, have a clear mind. When we have clear conscience, it doesnt matter how bad things can really hurt us, it can easily be forgiven and forgetten.

When I began to practise the act of forgiving and forgetting, the infinite beauty of being happy suddenly becomes clear. Forgiving someone and forgetting for what has been done is more than just about changing the personality within myself. The clear state of mind is what really matters the most. It is priceless. Only by then that everything else comes easily. On top of that not only it I attract good things for myself but it also attracts me to good vibes with other people.
Forgiving and forgetting is however a matter of choices. By not doing it, it is not an evil act. I've seen the two sides of the paths and each leads to different possibilities. But, there is no point of putting a grudge too long on someone. Deep down inside our heart we know it will definitely leave us feeling incomplete.

Goodbye old thoughts

A dear friend used to tell me that he likes tragic things.. he wanted drama in his life.I may not understand why but i know that people are naturally sadist.. probably masochist.I supposed being in a hospital isnt tragic enough for him. But then again, I wouldnt know. Hospital is the only place where you can see humanity at its best.. i think. Hospital is a place where u see love, compassion, hope, new beginning, end of another chapter of life. Pelik kan.. how we all view the same thing differently.

I've been thru so many things for the past years but i must admit that it was a chain from the old thought that i had. Eversince I lost a dear one in a car crash, I felt insecure...I cared so much about people around me. I lived in fear. Hence throughout the 7 years of being together with my ex fiance I kept reminding him to text me everytime he reached home. Sometimes he remembered, sometimes he didnt. Most of the time he ignored it. Prolly annoyed by the same ol' thing. I was a broken radio to him. I wouldnt blame him per se.I never told him why.. I never talked about it to anyone, I refused to reckon it as a trauma. That was a mistake. A dear friend told me I should not select my reality instead acknowledge every single event to help me moving on..

The old thoughts taught me that I must not be emotionally dependent even though at timesI felt that I'm very much fragile. The old thought said, ifI dont, I'll be crushed when he leaves me. Just like any other relationship before him. And because I kept having the thought... he left, even worse for some lame reason. So i told a dear friend, his past thought creates his present. If he kept thinking everyone being untrue and unfaithful, he gets what he wish for. U can actually do nothing about old thoughts except live out the past experiences they caused.

To a dear friend.. I learn now that resentment brings u nothing but pain... change is a natural law and for that i welcome it.. I hope u do too.

May the Almighty inspire us all with peace and insight to help us understand the intricacies and complexities of this life He has blessed us with and show us wisdom through His mercy and grace..ameen.

A Political Person We Are

Thoughts..view and opinion. Whatever we called it, definition goes beyond the meaning. We are all political person be it whether we voiced out our ideas or choose to be in silent. It doesnt take one to be seated in the parliament to have a political attitude. As I mentioned before the meaning goes beyond the social definition, it is how we deal with the nature, with life, with the people around us and most importantly with ourselves.

Pro-choice, pro life, anti-homosexual, anti-establishment, vegan, meat-lover, environmentalist, socialist, capitalist, fundamentalist and the list goes on. These are what we choose and by choosing to confirm to one definition, we shaped our identity thus it creates a worldview that response to the surroundings. This is a political attitude.

A person like me who choose not to confirm myself to any definition in life rather dwell myself closely to the nature being and move myself in the wave, does make me a political person too. The difference between me and them is the limitation of the notion of life itself. I am somewhat free from this limitation and possibility. I believe that by defining and confirming one self to a particular group or particular idea, the sense of freedom hasnt yet reach its true meaning.

However, there is nothing wrong of confirming oneself to anything. What really matters is that our view should be aligned with the nature or fitrah of our being because what is good for the body isnt necessary good for the soul. In this worldly life, the soul and the body can never be enemy..

Love is..

Love. A simple notion and simple emotion that has been twisted into being a complex idea. what is love? how to love? whom to love? The capitalists make money out of it. boom!! bestseller.. best film of the year perhaps the century, and the great philospher were or are born out of it. yet, less and less people enjoy the company of love, and some.. even lost in its translation. The 'complexity' of love continues to evolve thru decades, new theories rises from the definition.

As Coelho said, 'love simply is'. The problem with us, human, we tend to believe that everything needs to be defined including LOVE. We rather recognized definition given than believing that we are born with it. even if we are aware this gift of God, we feel that we need a kind of mechanism to let it grow inside us. why? simply because throughout generations we are taught that life has certain rules and in order to be seen a complete 'civilized' creature we need to follow this rules.. and in order to fit in, we need to agree with the social definition.

Love lies independently. free from any definition. It evolves, changes form and transforms just like us; we are made of energy. love is a form of energy. Let it runs by itself and you will see the other beautiful infinite side of life.

I may not be a doctor love but it is clear to me that loving someone is the second step in the process of life. To love someone is to be able to separate ourselves from the other person. "You complete me" or "you are part of me" is totally an absurd idea! We are not part of them and they are not part of us. We are born complete with all sets of emotions. When love strikes, it is these separate entity that works together in harmonizing the nature. connection of self and the surrounding... the nature and the universe is what love is all about. we're after all the constituent of the universe.

The 'complexity' of love rises when we dwell too much into the other entity and lose ourselves completely in it. then comes the notion "i'm lost without you..". the world falls apart and one entity paralyze. as a result.. Love is nothing but time dragging and pain.

Let the love flows in us and it will keep flowing no matter under what circumstances we might be in. Love is not to be defined but to be felt.. because love is ... free

social definition.. i'm out!

those who read my posts must have been sick and tired hearing me embracing love.. love.. love. yeah we all know whut it means. or are we? in Vicky Christina Barcelona, the man didnt publish his writing simply because he doesn't think people deserve to witness his greatness. because "after thousands of years of civilization, they still haven't learned to love ...

Coelho in his celebration of the emotion defined it as love simply is.

yes, love simply is. no measure of space and time. no pressure of surroundings and people. no high or low..

its the stillness and the stillness is what we are missing. civilization pulled all the energy away by defining it, by discriminating those who view outside the system. screw the system!!! it creates nothing but prisoner. we are prisoner of our own creation.

we are so used to defining things that we almost forgot how to be free. the truth, the freedom that we are looking for is not from others, from the outside world but within us. free to love and let be loved.

"i love you and i'm in love with you". "yes i'm so in love with you too."

"so... (long pause) what's next?"... *smile* "no, the question is what are we now?"

short silent.. "well, we can not have any declaration.. no terms use, no paper sign (said he, jokingly)" and she replied "i like that".

because love simply is....

he's so damn right!

very seldom u find a writer who can describe the emotional level so explicitly that u think he someohow has god-like intuition. Coelho just did it. By the River Piedra I sat down and wept is another beautiful well-written masterpiece of him. at one occasion when Pilar the center character in this story had a doubt, worrying her action may stir a chaos to the villagers (as an old man warned her not to enter the church), her man simply told her not to fall into 'playing a role'. what is playing a role.. she asked.

u see, it happen to us too most of the time. as he described.. playing a role, are those who always have to be doing battle with someone else, and sometimes even with themselves, battling with their own lives. thus, they create a kind of play in their head and they write the script based on their frustration. however they cannot play it all by themselves so they begin to invite other actors to join in.. as a result when we agreed to bind to certain rules given, to just listen to others' criticism on us, we are part of the role playing... see.. Coelho is so damn brilliant!

he continued describing that when others make us believe we're the victim or make us behave like victims; complaining about the unfairness of life and ask us to agree, to offer advice, to participate, it means we are also invited in playing a role. if we accept this we will always wind up losing.

uhhh ..Coelho is just superb!