recovery to discovery...

as i was listening to Eric Benet's Hurricane, it suddenly hit me that this guy is a genius. he knows exactly whut i feel and what i've been trying to say out loud all this while..

Surrounded by everything I want.

But nothing that I need

I was blinded by the absurdity

Losing all identity

Sometimes what you fear the most is what you need

To find that road

Right around that curve a lesson learned

Now that I have the eyes to see

i forgot my principle and what i valued the most in life, satisfaction in things i learn. i wouldnt blame him per se. it was my choice. i dwelled myself in his life.. loved him too much tht i completely abandoned myself. his ideal of happiness lies in material things. the truth is, i never cared those things. i cant never imagine myself living in a duplex and feel contented. i hardly imagine myself driving Meseratti and feeling like i'm at the top of the world. does that make me unambitious? there's more in life to look at in terms of satisfaction than having luxury car and house or earn money more than the rest and becomes the idol in that sense. knowledge, spiritual balance is all i want. i was too afraid to admit it.

a dear friend has really opened my eyes. from him i learn to get up and be myself again. probably now it gives me a whole new perspective towards changes, self-acceptance and the real meaning of self-love. it has nothing to do with selfishness at all. they said, love changes form and i'd say they are damn right about it.

insyallah i'll be continuing my studies in June. there's a lot of things too that i need to learn and things i'm yet to discover. i'm not afraid of the facts, the truth and the consequesnces. i'm welcoming challenges with open arms because only by that it enables the ruh and the jasd to be connected in the same wave.